Blogging From My New Kobo

It is so nice to have a device with wifi. I don't have to search for a computer and buy minutes. Ease of use.

Well, here I am, sitting in a hotel room in Chiang Mai. I am having a hard time finding words to describe how I feel. It just feels right. I am so elated that I was able to come back to Thailand again. I was really worried about this trip, as my last post explains, but so far I am so happy I came and in a weird sense it feels like I belong here. I love the familiarity of it. I recognize things and places I have been. I see familiar faces. It's absolutely great.

Flights were good. Long, and did not get much sleep. Landed in Bangkok last night around midnight. On the flight from Tokyo to Bangkok was the first time I got any semblance of sleep. By the time we arrived at our hotel I was wide awake. It was close to noon SK time. So I only got a few hours sleep last night. This morning I woke up and took one of my malaria pills. I then went downstairs to eat breakfast. I had a piece of watermelon and pineapple, and a coupl bits of omelette before I started to feel sick. I knew I wasn't going to make it to the bathroom, but I tried. I made it to the lobby and threw up all over the polished marble floors. I felt so bad. One of the hotel staff showed me to the bathroom where I proceeded to be sick for quite awhile. I still haven't completely shaken it, but I think a good nights sleep tonight will help. Maybe some food too.
I think I got sick because I have not eaten much lately. Even before I left on this trip I wasn't eating much because of my nerves. I also had hardly slept, and then I took my pill on an empty stomach when I knew they are hard on me. I have my fingers crossed that tomorrow will be better. I sure hope so because we have a 5 hour drive to Mae Sot in the morning.

We visited the Floating Market in Bangkok this morning. All I bought was a silly souvenier and a beer. Weather is awesome. So warm. I am surprising myself by how much I am enjoying the heat and humidity.

Our flight to Chiang Mai was at 4 in the afternoon, and once we landed here we checked into our hotel, my favourite one on this trip. We went to eat at the night market food court, where again I did not eat much. I think I will have more of a desire to eat once I am over this jet lag. From there we all went our separate ways to explore the market. I found some cute jewellry and another pair of sunglasse because I recently broke the pair I bought on my last trip. I scoped out som clothes that I may buy on the way home.

And to top off my first day in one of my favourite cities, I treated myself to a Thai foot massage. Quite sure I fell asleep. So awesome.

But I had better get to bed. Sleep is needed on so many levels. And I am getting sick of typing on this thing alredy. Maybe it isn't as great as I first thought.

Good night world,

Kacey

Running Wild

My emotions are going absolutely crazy. I don't remember feeling this way the last time I went on this trip. I have been feeling like I am going to throw up, to fighting back tears, to ecstatic all in a few minutes span. I am making myself sick with all of the anticipation. 

I am concerned with how emotional this trip is going to be for me, especially with how I am feeling now, before I even leave Canada. For the first year, after losing Morgan, I was numb. I don't remember dealing with any of my emotions. They just happened and I was in a daze for most of it. My own bubble, so to speak. As of lately, all of my emotions seem to be heightened. And I really feel all of them. I don't feel so black and grey anymore.

I am nervous to have a breakdown, or meltdown, during this experience. I don't know if I will be able to handle it, especially being so far from home. From my support group. I think this is what has me so worked up. I know this trip is going to be hard, but what if I can't handle it? What if I am not strong enough? The first time I went to Thailand I went blindly. I didn't know what to expect, and that was good. It was hard to get such a reality check, but such a phenomenal experience at the same time. This year, I am terrified. I know how the trip affected me last time, and a lot has happened since then, that I don't know exactly how I will react.

I guess, getting down to the root of it all, I am scared this trip will send me spiralling backwards. Ever since I made the decision to go on this trip I have been thinking it will be good for me; it will be a sort of healing process for me. But what if I am wrong? It has taken me a LOT to get to where I am right now. I don't want to take a step back, nevermind a bounding leap.

Some of you may have had no idea how much I have been struggling for the past 16 months, most of you probably had no clue. That is due to me keeping everything inside. I didn't talk in detail about it. I couldn't. I didn't want to. I didn't know how. I guess I am better at writing it down, and hiding behind my computer screen.

Despite all of these things I am worried about, I can hardly contain my excitement to get this journey started. I cannot focus on anything. My mind is wandering like a lost puppy. I have probably quadruple checked my bags, my camera, Kobo, and iPod are all charging now, and I have a ride to the airport lined up (love you momma!). So why can't I settle down, and get through the last few days of work? Damn my Chretien genes. Worry, worry, worry. Breathe, Kacey, breathe.

The next update should be from somewhere that is not here. 

Until then,

Kacey

P.S. I have contemplated publishing this post. I have not expressed myself in this way to anyone. And now I am letting it out. It's nerve racking, but a lot of people I love have gone through hardships themselves. Maybe they can find comfort in this, maybe it can help someone. I don't know, but I am going to just suck it up and hit that button. 

New Experiences Ahead

Well it has been a solid two years since I have posted here. It's about time I did.

I have the amazing opportunity to go back to Thailand. And I leave in 4 days!! Two of the past travellers, who are now coordinators of the Global Students Helping Students group, approached me about going back with them this year. I didn't know if this was something I could afford to do financially. But they didn't give up on me. A big part was due to the fact that I had lost my very best friend one year and four months ago to a tragic car accident. They knew that this trip was something I needed to do as a part of my healing process. And I couldn't agree more. So I talked to my mom. She convinced me to just do it. Life is short, a lesson I have been reminded of too much lately. I shouldn't worry about money if this is something I really wanted to do. I can find a way to make it work, and that is what I did. I want to look back on my life and remember these experiences, even if it means I am not well off in the money department. I would prefer my legacy to be about my experiences. They are what define a person after all.

So here I am, in my final preparations. I am feeling the same way I was last trip; stressed, nervous, excited, scared. I have a feeling this trip will be much more emotional for me. For many reasons. I know what to expect this year, but we are doing a lot of new things on this trip. We are going with a much smaller group of 9, which means we are going to get to form better connections with the people we are helping because there are less of us and we will have more time. We are also going to be visiting a baby orphanage, a clinic, and a school in Burma. I am very excited to cross over the border into Burma, and to give help in the country that needs it most.

The project we have raised funds for this year is another emotional piece of this trip. It is a safe house for women and young girls. The sex and drug trade in Thailand is horrific. And sometimes the refugees from Burma are sold into it by their families because they have no other choice. This safe house is being built on land that Global Neighbors owns. And it will consist of a kitchen, dining and laundry area, dorms for the girls, and a teaching quarters. This will be a place for those at risk of the sex and drug trade to go to. To live, and learn, and better their lives. We will have the opportunity to spend time with these young girls often on this trip, and that is going to be quite an experience in itself.

The last amazing part of this trip is something GN and GSHS has allowed me to do in memory of Morgan, my best friend who passed away. There is a garden that we are going to build behind the dorms of the safe house project, and we are building it in honour of Morgan. This could not be more perfect. Morgan was very much involved with my last trip to Thailand. She did not end up travelling with us, but she helped us with fundraisers and put in a lot of effort to the cause. She loved nature, as well. So a fruit tree garden is a beautiful way commemorate her memory.

So I have written enough. You have an idea of what this trip will be about. I will try to update this blog as often as possible while I am in Thailand. It's a whole new year that will generate more amazing stories and eye openers for me. This trip is something I need. It will be healing in so many ways, and put my life back into perspective for me.

I will leave you with this video. Barrack Obama recently visited Burma. He was the first American President to ever do so. His speech was amazing, and so moving. It is exactly what GN and GSHS is all about. We just want the Burmese people to be able to go home and live peacefully.

Love and Peace,
                    Kacey