Musings

I keep having to break up my posts because I don't seem to have much time to write in my journal, let alone update my blog. We are down to only two days left in Mae Sot. I am so sad this trip is almost over. I feel ready to go home, but I never want to leav/e. What a conundrum.

So continuing from my last post, we left Mae La camp for the Thai Karen village where we spent the night. It is a village where not a single soul speaks English, and we sleep on mats on the floor. It was a great experience on my last trip, and it did not disappoint again this year.

The next morning, which would have been December 7th, we went to a remote waterfall. We drove most of the way up a scary cliffside road/path. Then we walked a short distance to the waterfall. Wow, was it ever breathtaking! I have never been to a waterfall like this before. We swam right up to it. The force of the wind it created was not expected. It was one of the coolest things I have ever seen. And the feelings it evoked in me were not expected either. This waterfall is literally in the middle of nowhere. The only people who have ever seen it are locals and Global Neighbors travellers. It felt so peaceful to be there. The fact that the Earth can have such hidden beauty in it is amazing. The way I felt at the waterfall is something I will never forget. Free. I felt so free. Like everything will be okay.

December 8th: We spent the morning at the farm. More planting and staining was done at the garden, which is really starting to take shape. Half of the group spent the morning organizing supplies for a couple more distributions. We did a distribution at a school I have never been to in the afternoon. Once again, I wanted to take home all of the kids. The headmasters name is Jim, and what a wonderful man he is. He has made his school self sufficient. He has so much determination to teach these kids practical life tools. They have banana trees, pigs, geese, turkeys, and catfish. They eat what they can, sell what is left, and feed the animals what can't be sold. They also use pig manure as fertilizer for the banana trees. Not many migrant schools have this kind of drive to live good, normal lives. It was so refreshing to see, and instills yet more determination in me to help others get to this point. It has been such a priviledge to meet all of these wonderful people like Jim. I look up to them, and if I could be half of the person they are I will havr lived a very gratifying life.

Today was Sunday, our free day. Last night we stayed up late drinking and playing games. It was great to bond as a group. Because of the late night, I slept in this morning. I spent the first part of the afternoon down by the pool, and got some colour. Then I went to the Moei market for a couple hours. Overall, it was a nice relaxing day.

I have found that lately in life I have really been doubting peoples' intentions. I just feel like we will destroy ourselves with our lack of consideration, respect and compassion for each other. But by coming here I have restored some of my faith in humanity. Maybe it has not been destroyed afterall. But it is quite sad that the only people who show humanity are those with next to nothing in their lives. It is so mind blowing how these people can be so happy with very few possessions. They care so much about each other, not what or how much they own. Why can't we think like that back home? Why can't we care abou each other more than our jobs or how much money we have? Simplicity. I wany that in my life. I feel like money ruins people. And I have seen that too much with people I care about. Money does not amount to much at the end of your life. The way you lived your life, and the experiences you created or grabbed hold of are what determine if you had a successful life. At least in my opinion. The bottom line is that this trip makes me believe that we will be okay as a society. Good, selfless people do still exist.

I am also realizing how much I feel at peace here. I have no stress or worries. I feel calm, whole, happy. I want to feel like this at home, in my everyday life. I want these feelings fo myself, for everyone I love, and for the people I am meeting here. When I am helping others I feel content with my life. It feels like this is what I should be doing with my life, not sitting at a computer designing homes for people with too much money. I want to make helping others my life work, but how one does that is something I do not know. It just gives me so much satisfaction and purpose. I feel like it brings out the best in me, and that is so rewarding when my life has been so dark lately. I want to be a good person. I find that my mind is so clear here. I can think things through and calm myself down. I can let my emotions out, and talk to people who are on the same wave length as me. These people get it.

The last thing I wanted to mention before I go to bed is the reaction I have been getting in regards to my tattoo. I did not expect so much positivity. Tattoos on females is not regarded very highly over here. I know last time I was here I got some negative attention. But my arm makes every single person stare. I have gotten so many people telling me how beautiful it is, and some people even come up to me and touch my arm. One guy even took a picture! It makes me so happy to show off how beautiful Morgan was. I feel like she is with me in so many ways, and this tattoo is one of them.

Well I am now officially caught up. Tomorrow is a new day, with new adventures.